Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com
Depression is the worst houseguest. It crashes into your life uninvited, eats all your emotional snacks, drains your energy, hijacks your joy, and then smugly whispers, “You’ll never feel better again.” And just to top it off, it convinces you that no one else has ever felt this low.
Spoiler alert: That just ain’t true!
A 2023 Gallup poll shows depression is now disturbingly common. Over 21 million American adults have experienced a major depressive episode. Nearly 1 in 5 are currently battling it. And 22% have been diagnosed at some point. That’s not rare—it’s a national group text called “Yep, me too.”
Depression doesn’t care who you are, what fancy car you drive, or how curated your Instagram is. It hits across age, gender, and lifestyle. Genetics, chronic stress, medical issues, work stress, toxic relationships—any of them can light the match.
And yes, even shrinks get hit by it. I’ve walked this road more than once. So if you’re sinking, here’s what I personally do to climb back out.
1. For Men, Depression Shows Up As Irritability
Guys don’t usually get weepy and curl up with rotten rom-coms. Instead, depression in men often shows up as anger, irritability, blame, and withdrawal.
Ask yourself:
“Am I lashing out for no reason?”
“Do I feel like nothing I do matters?”
“Could I actually be depressed?”
Awareness is step one. Depression doesn’t care about your pronouns—it’s an equal-opportunity wrecking ball. Name it. That’s where healing starts.
2. I Stop Gaslighting Myself
That inner voice? It gets brutal:
“You have no reason to feel like this.”
“Others have it worse. Suck it up.”
“Stop being so weak.”
Here’s the truth: It’s OK to feel depressed at times. It’s a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
Sadness is human. Self-compassion is strength.
Try this:
“Even now, I’m a good person going through a tough time. This will pass. This is difficult AND I can handle this.” Both are true…simultaneously.
You wouldn’t berate a child for falling down (at least, not when you’re not depressed!). Don’t do it to yourself.
3. I Set Stupidly Simple, Easily Accomplished Goals
When depression hits, brushing your teeth feels like exploring the Mariana Trench. So I lower the bar significantly and intentionally.
Try:
“Just breathe deeply right now.”
“Put on clean socks.”
“Step outside and breathe.”
“Go to the gym and just stretch.”
“Read your email for 5 minutes.”
Small wins matter. Movement matters. Gentle forward motion is still progress. What’s the next smallest step forward you can make?
4. I Journal the Chaos Out of My Thoughtstream
Journaling = mental detox. No grammar. No rules. No filters.
Just you unloading onto the page like an emotional barf bag.
Science says it helps. So does experience. (Just keep it private.)
5. I Move My Body— Just a Little
You don’t need to train for a marathon. Just move.
Walk the dog. Stretch. Zombie shuffle to the mailbox.
Motion shifts emotion. Your body helps your mind heal.
6. I Put My Bare Feet In The Grass.
Nature is a free, underrated antidepressant.
Sit under a tree. Feel the sun. Lay on the lawn and stare at clouds.
Perspective + sunlight = mental reboot.
Fluorescent lights can’t compete. Science backs this up.
7. I Turn On Old, Familiar Sitcoms
Sometimes healing = reruns. The Office. Ted Lasso. MASH.
Comfort TV soothes the nervous system. Predictability is calming.
Your inner 2003 self would approve.
8. Socialize Instead Of Isolate
Depression says, “You’re a burden. You’re not worthy.”
Reality says, “You’re a human who needs connection.”
Text a friend. Call someone. Hug a dog. Smile at a stranger.
You’re not alone. And you’re not supposed to do this alone.
9. I Get My Rear To A Therapist
If you had a cough and cold, you’d see a doctor.
Mental health is no different.
Even therapists see therapists. (Yes, really—I do.)
Book the appointment before you’re in crisis.
Need someone? Reach out to me or Joree Rose, LMFT. We’ve got you.
10. I Avoid Emotional Hand Grenades
Notice what makes you feel worse—and cut…them…out.
Social media spirals. Mindlessly scrolling TikTok. That one toxic friend who always makes you feel shittier.
Three glasses of wine + Simon and Garfunkel = not helpful.
Protect your energy. No explanation needed.
11. I Don’t Wait to “Feel Better” to Take Action
Waiting for motivation is a trap. Action creates momentum.
Move first—your feelings will catch up.
You don’t need to want to walk. Just walk.
That’s how healing starts.
12. I Take My Antidepressants—Without Shame
Needing meds doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re strong enough to get help.
I’ve been on antidepressants. I still am. They help.
Like insulin for a diabetic, meds can help your brain.
And if they haven’t worked for you? Look into psychedelic therapy.
Studies show psilocybin may be more effective for treatment-resistant depression.
It’s a new frontier—and it’s promising.
13. I Reconnect With My 8-Year-Old And His Simple Pleasures
Remember joy before adulting?
Skateboards. Water balloon fights. Cloud-watching. Blanket forts.
Whatever sparked wonder in little you—bring it back.
Even a few minutes of childlike fun can reset your nervous system.
14. Emotions Are Tunnels—You Have To Pass All The Way Through
Most people bail halfway through an emotion. they get scared or uncomfortable. But emotions, like tunnels, only resolve when you walk all the way through.
So feel it. Sit with it. Ask:
“What is this emotion trying to teach me?”
Often, depression shows up as a signal for change—a job, a relationship, a boundary, a truth that needs your attention.
Don’t numb it. Listen to it.
The only way out is through.
Final Thought: You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Happiness
Self-criticism won’t save you. Compassion will.
Be kind to yourself. Be curious. Be patient.
Even in the darkest moments, tools exist. Healing is real.
You’re not broken—you’re evolving.
Let’s do it together.