By Dr. John Schinnerer
[GuideToSelf.com](https://guidetoself.com) | [LoveIsntEnough.net](https://loveisntenough.net)
Let’s be honest—between the stress, fear, and rage we’re all swimming in, most of us could use a serious boost in the happiness department. And here’s the good news: happiness isn’t just a feel-good emotion. It’s a game-changer.
We’re talking better relationships, improved immune function, more creativity, greater resilience, and even better performance at work. And get this—it’s not a mystery. Happiness is a habit. And like any habit, it can be trained, improved, and strengthened.
But here’s the twist: the most powerful happiness habit? It’s also the one we practice the *least*.
The Top 10 Habits for Happiness (According to Science)
A U.K.-based nonprofit, Action for Happiness, surveyed 5,000 people on ten research-backed habits that fuel well-being. Here’s the list:
1. Acts of kindness (giving)
2. Nurturing close relationships
3. Physical activity
4. Appreciation of everyday beauty (gratitude)
5. Curiosity and lifelong learning
6. Having meaningful goals
7. Resilience after challenges
8. Cultivating positive emotions (joy, awe, contentment)
9. Living with purpose
10. Self-compassion
So what’s the *most* practiced habit? Kindness to others. Makes sense—it feels good to do good. The average rating here was 7.4 out of 10. Coming in a close second was investing in key relationships, scoring 7.36.
But here’s where things get interesting…
Self-Compassion: The #1 Predictor of Happiness (And the Least Practiced)
Of all ten habits, the one most strongly linked to overall happiness was self-compassion—aka how kind, understanding, and forgiving you are to yourself. And yet, it came in dead last on frequency of use.
Ouch.
Average score? Just 5.56. Less than a third of people rated themselves above a 6. Nearly half said they struggle with it. And only 5%—five!—rated themselves a perfect 10 in self-compassion.
Why? Because most of us were taught the opposite. We grew up hearing we had to be the best, compete, win at all costs, or earn love through performance. We were fed messages like “you’re not enough,” “don’t be weak,” or “second place is first loser.” That crap lodges deep in your subconscious and fuels a nonstop inner critic—one that evolution already supercharged thanks to the brain’s negativity bias.
It’s time to rewrite the script.
Why This Matters
As Professor Karen Pine of the University of Hertfordshire put it:
“Practicing these habits really *can* boost our happiness. But self-acceptance may be the single most impactful one—and the one most people neglect.”
Dr. Mark Williamson of Action for Happiness added:
“Our culture is obsessed with success and comparison. That creates anxiety, discontent, and a lack of self-worth. Learning to accept ourselves—warts and all—can make a massive difference to our well-being.”
How to Build the Self-Compassion Muscle
If you’re ready to upgrade your happiness (and who isn’t?), start here—with three practical tools from my former Cal classmate, Dr. Kristin Neff:
1. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
Talk to yourself like you would a 4-year-old who just made a mistake. Be gentle. Celebrate small wins. Learn from the slip-ups without shame.
2. Ask someone you trust what they value about you.
Let their feedback in. Choose to believe them. Bonus: do the same for them. You’ll both walk away feeling seen and appreciated.
3. Visualize kindness flowing back to you.
Imagine showing kindness to someone else. Then imagine them returning it. Now turn that warmth inward. Start by practicing when things are calm, then try it during minor emotional moments. Tell yourself (over and over and over):
“May I feel worthy.
May I feel worthy of success.
May I feel worthy of happiness.
May I feel worthy of love.”
The bottom line?
If you want more happiness, start with how you treat yourself. Self-compassion isn’t weakness—it’s an emotional superpower.
Practice it. Daily. Especially when you screw up.
Because being human is messy. And the real secret to a better life isn’t being perfect.
It’s learning to love yourself through the imperfection.
Source: University of Hertfordshire. “Self-acceptance could be the key to a happier life, yet it’s the happy habit many people practice the least.” ScienceDaily, March 7, 2014. [ScienceDaily Article](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140307111016.htm)