The Anxious-Avoidant Trap

One partner has an anxious attachment style and gets triggered by her partner needing a time out during an argument, or threatening to leave. The other partner has an avoidant attachment style and gets emotionally flooded during disagreements. During these challenging moments, the anxious partner seeks to turn towards their partner, needing to reconnect in order to calm their physiology. The avoidant person turns away from the relationship, seeking time and space to calm themselves. The anxious partner pursues the avoidant partner verbally and physically, resulting in neither person getting their needs met. This is one of the most common relational dynamics we have seen in our private practice assisting couples to rekindle their passion and connection. Even Joree and John struggled with it! Listen in as they explain what this dynamic is and, more importantly, how to break out of it for a happier and more connected relationship. Here’s a hint: It takes a combination of individual work and relational work to evolve beyond it! 

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The People Pleaser’s Plight: Feeling Too Much Guilt

Anyone who has ever been a people-pleaser can know how hard it is to be in relationships that don’t have reciprocity. It can feel like we give and give and give, and just because we are connected in the relationship, can think it’s enough, when in reality, we end up feeling depleted and resentful. In this joint episode, with my partner in life and love, Joree Rose, LMFT, we talk about 6 areas that people-pleasers can get stuck in or struggle with, along with some of the context that may lead you to becoming a people-pleaser. The 6 areas that we go in depth into are: difficulty drawing boundaries, feeling an overactive sense of guilt, being conflict avoidant, having a fear of loneliness, building anger & resentment and not knowing what your needs are. If you are someone that feels an imbalance in your relationships, and wants greater insight into why you may be doing what you’re doing, and have the tools to shift into healthier relationship patterns, then this episode is for you. 

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Argue Effectively With Your Loved One

Let’s face it: couples argue. Disagreements are inevitable. Arguing is not a problem; in fact, there’s a lot of authenticity & freedom in being able to express yourself fully, even when you’re angry. The problem is when arguing is ineffective, or when anger & insults erode the safety & security of your relationship. However, there are proven ways that you can argue better; ways that actually benefit your partnership. Learn the scientifically-proven rules to fight fair, argue well, repair quickly & ultimately resolve those long-standing disagreements with Dr. John & Joree Rose, LMFT.